What are big life changes?
Young children thrive from routine and consistency – knowing what to expect helps them feel safe and confident. However life can bring big and sometimes difficult changes.
Things like moving to a new town or city, the death of a loved one, divorce or separation of caregivers, changing schools, or welcoming a new baby to the family, can all be considered big life changes and can be very stressful for children. This can all be compounded because their major life changes are often pretty major for the adults in their lives too and may leave caregivers unsure of how to best help their family get through them.
How can you support your child through big changes?
- Manage your own emotions
Your child will be looking to you for cues about how to respond to the situation, and if they see you panicking, they will believe the situation is scary. Though it may be challenging, it is important that you find ways to process your own feelings. It’s absolutely fine to let your child know how you feel, but you also need to show them how you’re managing those emotions.
- Give them time to prepare (if it’s possible)
Sometimes big life changes happen without warning, but if you do have the chance to prepare your child beforehand, it’s important that you do. Let them know ahead of time what will happen and help them understand what to expect. Even adults can find the unknown scary, so if possible help to reduce your child’s anxiety by sharing information about what is going to happen before it happens.
- Allow them to express their emotions and listen to them
Your child may be angry, or sad or frustrated -or more likely experiencing a range of emotions all together. While it may be tempting to tell your child not to worry, or to try to distract them from the negative emotions, this may in fact make them feel worse. When children feel like we understand their big emotions, they feel validated and are better able to process them.
- Keep the routine as much as possible
When big changes occur, keeping the usual routine as much as possible can be very reassuring. If possible keep the basics such as bedtime routine and meal times the same. Structure helps children feel safe so provide as much as possible.
- Stay connected with your child
Let your child know that no matter what else changes you are still there and your relationship with them is important. Let your child know that you are there for them to play with, talk to or just to be together.
- Give them choices and get them involved
Big changes can make a child feel like they have no control over their life. Allowing them to make choices and be involved in dealing with the change can give them some sense of agency.
- Expect challenging behaviour
Big changes can bring on big emotions and challenging behaviour can be expected. This will be a time where a little more patience and understanding is needed. Definitely maintain rules and boundaries but anticipate some meltdowns and remind yourself of what your child is going through.
Here are some book recommendations you can read with your child about big changes:
Jule’s Move to a New House and New School by Lynn Louise Wonders
The New Baby by Mercer Mayer
Miss Piper’s Playroom: Helping Lily With Her Loss by Lynn Louise Wonders
Why Do Families Change?: Our First Talk About Separation and Divorce by Dr. Jillian Roberts
Keeping It Cool: Skills for Coping with Change by Dr Melissa Munro Boyd
